on missing someone

I wanna write "I miss you" on a rock and throw it at your face so you know how much it hurts to miss you.

True Story.

strong

ada kawan berpesan, bila dihadapkan dengan masalah, sentiasalah ikut kata akal bukan kata hati. dan saya berpegang kepada prinsip tersebut. sebab saya percaya kita kena kuat bukan lemah.

CHAIYOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

if i have a daughter i'm gonna call her Zara

we had a conversation back from Tambunan about what we should name our kids. it was a bit weird because none of us are married....or about to get married.

but as the list goes on... from haziq to daniel to adam to natalia to nathaniel to hazel... we also come across funny names.

like this one guest from my friend's workplace. the guy name is Bukit Harapan. err, i dont mean to be rude, but, LMFAO!!!! and by that name what should the nick be? Bukit? Harap? Rapan? LOL i cannot help myself...

last time at my old workplace when we got some free time, we would browse to the directory just to scan people with funny names! haha.. like this guy, his name is XXXX bin Setan.. their friends would hilariously called him Anak Setan. how awful.

i cannot imagine these people (with funny names) are like during their childhood. must be hard eh??

how to ditch your boyfriend

ditulis dalam broken english.

this not apply for all situation. just a specific one, like this:

so you figured out that your bf is a scumbag and is playing behind you.or maybe your bf did not treat you right, never return your calls or sms, and once in a blue moon suddenly asked you out. and after the date he disappeared. and reappear again, suddenly!

you are jaded. you wanna out of this relationship but when you dump him (with or without warning), the once in a blue moon guy appear and it melts you down. but seriously, you are fed up! although you know that maybe you still have feelings... but this situation is getting you crazier (every day!). you realized you cannot change him to make him treat you better. and you just, wanna, out of this relationship.

if you ever try to dump him with or without knowledge,surprise surprise, he came back to you! and things repeat itself again. date, laugh, and he drop you at your home and then pffff! silence! only call when he feels like to and that is : once a month. or if he is in a good mood probably once in 2 weeks.

that's a torture. especially when you are living at the same city and your workplace is only 5 mins away..driving.

so how? here's the way :

make him feel jaded too. sms him many many times. call him many many times. do not curse. but plead. beg. pour all your emotional feelings out. make him CRAZY.

he will get bored and trust me, he'll launched the handicap war. you know, the silent mode.

and then for some weird reasons he may contact you again. if he does, you know it is just because of his guilty pleasure.... you already talked to him not to bother you anymore but when he still do. please repeat:

sms, sms, sms..... and give him looooooong messages. get angry, emotional, stress, make he feels guilty and remorse for calling you back.

trust me.

IT WORKS. he'll never try to contact you again.

and.... you may live happily ever after without him. more peaceful.

loneliness is just a matter of time. you'll find someone better.

a guy like that, it's not worth it. very selfish. and indecisive.

what's troubling me... some changes in the management...

i have just received the news from joj. our company may be (or WILL be) taken over by a super giant company. is it good, or is it good... ?

on the positive side this could be a very good opportunity. based from the company profile, it have huge security, lots to learn, banyak cabang.... dsb...

but...

i kinda have a "thing" w big companies. i hate policies and procedures, the way their system runs, audits (fuckin lots of audits u know), and of course, office politics! and protocols! and.... *sigh* i can go on and on w this thing...

i am sooooo gonna miss my life right now. and of course our beloved MD. he is a good man, never been pushy but at the same time u have full respect of him. tolerable. and this life right now, is totally a LIFE. because it balance out Life + Work.

now I have a glimpse of my past during the day I worked at THE factory. damn damn damn. pakai uniform, ada punch card, meeting setiap pagi, rest time limited dan paling ngeri hari-hari balik lambat... :( ... urgh! semak otak saya... !

well if the management is going to change, i pray that it is not going to be nightmare. please. not even close to nightmare.

but let's hope. and pray. that. the management. will. remain. status quo.

never underestimate the power of a prayer. ameen

tunggang-langgang

sejak kerja di company jepun dekat setahun, (setahun jak punnn) my written and spoken english agak tunggang langgang. grammer ntah apa2. suda la aku grammer nie mimang ndak berapa. tp klaw setakat mo ispiking-ispiking tue... bole la mo tembirang sikit2...

tp inglis jipun ni slamba dia jak. ndak payah pikir. ko translate ja bulat2 bahasa melayu tu pigi english. few examples:

a. "linda-san where? down ka?" linda ko di mana, di bawah ka?
b. "give me..... eat" *sambil buat2 signal mengunyah* bagi saya makanan
c. "lida-san no tell" linda tidak kasi taw saya
d. ayat dalam email ..." i thinking ne, machine down" pada pendapat saya, mesin harus dibaiki..

ko tinguk tu, manala mo pakai english susa2.ayat simple2 cukup. advantage dia ko nda payah ambil masa yang lama untuk mengarang. time aku deal dengan customer pun lebih kurang, cuma ndak la sesimple (read:dasyat) mcm ayat jipun ckp english.... asal faham dan kemas...

sekarang masuk company baru, banyak deal dengan kementerian2, gov entities, dll.. yang harus menggunakan bukan sahaja proper english, malah ayat-ayat rasmi berbau skema. saya klaw karang-karang surat/mail/report tahap mo masuk kementerian nie memang begagar lutut jga la... bukan takut, tp mo polish itu ayat supaya nampak ala-ala professional tu ba... alalala.... agak mencabar for me la...

tapi benda nie boleh di polish bah kan?

i need at least to start somewhere.... but definitely not here. heh.

sementara menunggu waktu balik....

i am bored, i have nothing better to do, my ongoing works are pending because waiting for EPC to be finalized, my office are in huru-hara condition because we are supposedly going to move to new office, my boss not around,holiday mood is here (christmassss and a hepy nu yr!) i have internet connection.... ok, ok, the bottom line is i am "stealing some bones"....

some rambling thoughts....

1. my life has changed back from senawang. a lot more HAPPIER, and promising future, insyaAllah.

2. meeting sucks and always will.

3. boyfriends, boyfriends.... screw them! i need a husband! LOL

4. tummy? yeah since 2001. dan makin bertambah...!

5. freaking blackheads. cosmetic doesnt help much. why why why? so many laaaaa

6. true harmony beauty saloon sucks. they suck your money only. product good, i like. but once u sign up the package, they dont care about their service. pluck pluck pluck only. and then kasar-kasar. buduh!

7. saya belum gaji. hmmmm sabarrrrrrrrrr

8. company have cuti for 1 week or 2. not sure yet. but i hope 2 weeks. for xmas n nu year.

9. my sweet baby pajero rosak lagi. have plans to changed to old merc. 2.4 pun 2.4 la, asal nda kuat rosak. whats the diff? pajero also 2.5.

10. one of my BFFs actually give me KPI for next year: 0 accidents. yay!

11. another BFFs just turned 27 yesterday.

12. me n my BFFs (lagi2 BFF, ko igt ko paris hilton?? --->berkata kepada diri sendiri) are planning going to labuan sometime next month.

13. i plan to buy Dior perfume, mademoiselle. oh sweeeeeeeeeeeeet.

14. but my last year perfume also belum habis, how?

15. screw it. buy dior. last time perfume murah. hahahah

16. eh mau pukul lima suda? yeayyyyyy jum balik!!

Pelanduk sama pelanduk, gajah mati di tengah-tengah

Peribahasa yang tepat untuk menggambarkan situasi saya sekarang.

Tapi kenapa peribahasa dia berbunyi begitu? Mestikah saya yang di tengah-tengah digambarkan sebagai gajah? Oh, I tak rela you. Sudahlah sejak dua-menjak nie badan ibarat di pam-pam.

Jadi mari kita rephrase peribahasa tersebut. Gajah sama gajah, pelanduk (awww comelnya) mati di tengah-tengah. Ok ini lebih menarik.

Entry ini adalah kesinambungan daripada rasa stress semalam. Sambung lagi hari ni sebab ni hari pun meeting with the same entity lagi. Luckily semalam time tidur ndak masuk dalam mimpi.

Secara metaforanya begini...

Oh, metaforanya sudah di explain dalam peribahasa di atas.

Saya agak stress, saya perlu cuti dan bertapa di dalam gua untuk menurun ilmu supaya saya boleh fire orang-orang yang menyusahkan saya.

entry tension

blog ini rupa2nya masih hidup walaupun bersawang.

anyways, hari ini adalah hari yang sangat urrrrrghhhhh how to say? dia punya feeling macam ko mau hantar bomb pegi itu tempat. kalau boleh nuklear lagi.

ceritanya semua pasal kerja. pasal meeting. kena bomb la saya hari ni. but it is not fair for me lah. aii malas mo explain. tapi, have u ever imagine yg time ko meeting nie tiba-tiba the whole building kena hijack terrorist? atau tiba-tiba ada gempa bumi orang pertama tenggelam adalah itu chairman? atau tiba-tiba tengah meeting ko dissappear...? hah, i know u did!

tapi OK la.. wpun hari yang dasyat, at least i'm HOME. yeahhhh. tension2 pun masi ada family... lalalala... im gonna love my job i know i will just that it is still totally NEW for me...

welcome to my new life. ^_^

chaotic

adelah sangat chaotic dalam kepala. realizing there are so many things need to improve. so many! i'm exhausted. i feel like old 3g iphone with a minimum capability of multitasking. tlampau banyak mau di ingat dan di paham, dalam satu masa. blum abis satu, satu lagi. rasa mau bakar kilang. ber nda payah kerja. hahaha

im a bit whiner, mind you, but i ain't quitting. choice have been made and i dont look back.

Live Life for Today

Don't worry about the past, nothing you can do about them.
Don't worry about the future, things ain't going to happen unless its WRITTEN.
Live life for TODAY, as if you are going to die tomorrow.

If you are going to die tomorrow, what will you do today?

-La Tahzan.

Birthday

Thanx to Cikrean for the wishes. Muacchs to Cikrean… Sorry ya lambat notice, suda lama x sign in, sampai password pun lupa.

Finally I’m 26 @ 26th. Birthday di bulan puasa. Thanx to my peeps tahun ini saya dapat hadiah : Baju Hari Raya! Yeyy…! Lengkap dengan accessories gitu. Tapi I don’t get the necklace la, macam panjang berjela-jela. Try lilit sana, lilit sini.. tapi still bekulut. Later must bring to mysha or Mlap suru kasi pakai. Ngeee

A pleasant surprise on my birthday… Got a dozen of pink roses delivered @ office! Wau! Sangat teruja. Si pengirim tidak meletakkan nama pada delivery kad. So ala-ala dari secret admirer la gtu. Kekeke, sila muntah. Padahal saya tau ja sepa yang hantar. Satu ofis suda kecoh. Sebab mereka kecoh, jadi saya terpaksa menuntut flowers dari mereka juga...


Nice kaaaann??

(mcamana mau letak caption supaya dia di tengah2? ishhh.... letak ja la! )

Living a life for 26 years I guess nothing has changed much. Skolah to kerja adalah benda biasa. Apa juga mau expect kalau still single and living with parents. Lainlah kalau suda kawin dan beranak pinak. Tapi I love live like this. Very comfortable. Indeed, too comfortable sampai nda mau fikir apa-apa. He he.

Some of my friends knew the kind of dilemma I’m in. I had made my decisions but *sigh* haven’t got the guts to tell my mum. Well, I will. Pretty SOON.

Oh hari ini mau pegi Karams. Probably to facial and kalau rajin buat rambut. I’m getting sick with my own hairstyle (sebab sama ja dari dulu hahaha), thinking of getting sidebangs. Cute tak? Ptuih. But I cannot stand anything that covered my dahi la. Riiiimassss. But I’m going to try out anyway.

Dan kalau rajin lagi pegi office kemas barang. 1hb suda di Melawa kan...


Okeh saya ada satu soalan untul Ladies / Gentleman di luar sana. Wah banyaknya pembaca blog padahal itu-itu jak. My Q is: How important is “spark” to you? Jawab jangan tak jawab.

p/s: Blog agak slow moving sebab bulan puasa. Banyak benda mau kutuk tapi bulan puasa. Jadi paham-paham la kalau bulan puasa. Semua pun slow moving.

mengarut

Boring. Mengantuk. Mau tidur tapi dalam kepala banyak pikir. Ada tiga task lagi pending.Penat, penat...

Tadi try salmon pitsa @ lil italy bersama c Veron. Ohhh sangat memuntahkan. Kegemaran saya adalah smoked salmon, tetapi gabungan capers dan mushroom adalah sangat memualkan! Eiii kenapa rasa dia macam ada wasabi sikit-sikit tu ahhhh??

Tiba-tiba saya teringat salmon sushi. nyum nyum. dan salmon roe.. wahhh. nafsu makan bagaikan binatang. Tapi saya suka makan binatang. Yang halal saja la.. hehe

Ingat makannnn seja. Lama suda saya tidak excercise. Sejak cegu pindah semenanjung, langsung nda pernah pegi berenang lagi... Mau juga join si suzie pegi gym, eh yakan... kenapa saya tidak join dia pegi gym?

Mungkin next month saya pindah pegi Sepanggar. Mungkin la, nda taw lagi. Harap-harap dapat la kuarters sana. Nda payah susah-susah drive jauh.. Tapi kalau di sana, saya tinggal saturang. Nda sunyi kaitu...??

Saya ada banyak perancangan dalam masa terdekat ni. Saya takut jugala, tapi saya kena try. Siapa tau? Walau saya fikir-fikir macam ada berbelah bahagi suda, tapi... tapi kena juga try.

Sejak akhir-akhir ni saya cepat penat. Otak banyak fikir bukan-bukan. Fatigue? Maybe. Maybe perlukan excercisee.....!

Mlap, ko gums suda... mari kta pegi gym!

the man that can't be moved

It's a lazy Saturday. Sitting on my rotan chair, laptop is on, tv is on, a copy of The Element beside me, and sipping Ice Tea... Nice

MTV's playing unplugged performance from an unknown band... at least unknown by me. Here's one that catch my ear:

...

'Cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street

So I'm not moving
I'm not moving


sweet lyrics eh? very dramatic.

if I saw the man who's standing there waiting for her AND not moving, I would suggest him one thing:


FACEBOOK.



ouch.



i spoiled the drama effect.

nervous. breakdown.

i need to go to a REHAB. seriously.

Can I take one year off off work?

(singing mode: Boston)

i'm so lucky

1. i'm so lucky my car broke down this evening but there's someone to help me

2. i'm so lucky i got chickenpox during semester break!

3. i'm so lucky i broke my feet also during semester break!

4. i'm so lucky i've lost my scientific calculator soooo many times but yet the calculator found his way back to me..

5. i'm so lucky i have a job!

6. i'm so lucky even though my job sucks but the pay is oh-kay!

7. i'm so lucky working in headquarters that i knew people and people knew me!

8. i'm so lucky in love! whatever that means...

9. i'm so lucky for being young!

10. i'm so lucky i poop gold coins! (yayy!!... okay that was overreacting).


COUNT YOUR BLESSING NOW WHEN YOU STILL CAN...

random thoughts

1. Baru mau putih (kununla) balik, kena ajak pegi snorkeling di Manukan next week...
Memang kena betul la Tahun Afrika tahun ni...

2. Dalam dilema... mau amik kos tu ka nda?? Due sampai Friday dis week....!

3. Lemak di perut adalah sebanyak 30%!! clap, clap, clap... "look what industrial
product done on me..."

4. Tengah bingung fikir macamana mau cari duit lebih...!

5. Hey Sexy Lady from ku-ku-kuala lumpur... Addict sama lagu ini..!

6. Tiba-tiba rasa Blackberry macam best...!

7. Bagus tangkap tokek..... tapi geliiiii!!!

8. Ada budak indon tu... umur 2 tahun tapi isap sigup 40 batang sari.. marvellous!

9. Definisi seksi terbaru adalah Bono... uhhh

10. Tetapi Ethan Hawke tetap di hati... wawawawa

11. Apa gia password Twitter saya tu? Aiiya... ID pun lupa!

12. Sakit pantat cirit-birit tadi pagi... Sampai sikalang masi sakit woh...

13. Kepala pun mannnyaaakkk belat wohhh... itu anginn aaaa mannyakk masuk wwoohh

14. Kenapa saya cakap macam kena sampuk Apek..!

15. Nasib apek, kalau kaling???

16. Ohh saya bingung... (@_@)

hidden passion

sekarang musim cuti skolah. musim kawen. macam biasalah, soalan wajib sedunia: kau bila lagi? bah, kalau ada jangan tunggu lama-lama. thanks for the advice only this time I chose to keep it aside.. nanti kalau perlu baru kasi kluar. hehehe.

kepada kawan-kawan yang suda dapat jodoh syukur alhamdulillah. saya bukan nda ready mau kawin. bila-bila masa ja ni. eseh.

sebenarnya saya bukan mau cakap pasal kawin. tapi tadi saya selongkar-selongkar laci jumpa kad kawin kawan saya. hati saya sayu. hahaha mengarut. nda lah, saya tengok-tengok itu kad, ingat zaman skolah.

dulu saya suka buat kad. saya sangat suka buat kad sampai boleh kasi habis masa berjam-jam buat sebiji kad.sebiji kad saja okkk... saya rasa puas hati kalau berjaya siapkan handmade card yang cantik. tapi kalau nda cantik, saya simpan ja last2 nda tebagi sama orang yang saya mau bagi. huhuhu.

mana pegi itu passion? saya pun nda taw. saya rasa, saya ada hidden passion untuk seni, walaupun nda berapa ada bakat. rasa macam mau turn back time pula untuk switch pegi kelas seni instead of kelas muzik time f1 sampai f3. bukan pandai main alat muzik pun selain recorder! daaaa

time f4 saya ambil kelas seni kejap. kejapppppp ja. dalam tengah bulan drop. sebabnya saya tiada basic mewarna, nda pandai guna warna air. lepastu student yang masuk kelas seni sumanya mantap-mantap! rozilahwati, zarir, super syan-shine and not forgetting one of my geng karas si mlaps. perrghhh mimang bakat2 seni lukis tanahair...

time paling sya malas adalah time post moterm. yalah lukisan paling bidak kan mana tahan kena kritik depan-depan. ala-ala masuk AFla perasaan dia.. lepastu cegu daud punya laser atagaaaaaaaa..... ko tau la kalau orang-orang seni ni. lukisan memanglah berkias tapi kalau bab becakappp... tai lah bekias2... memang tida tahan oo time tu..

jadi sebab itulah tanpa berfikir panjang, bila ada peluang mo drop saya terus drop serta-merta. time tu saya rasa macam telepas suda satu bala... bala kena laser tiap-tiap minggu.

sekarang bila fikir2 rasa sayang juga... mungkin berbaloi juga tahan mulut laser cegu tu sekejap. tp ntah la. maybe itu time saya rasa banyak benda mau yang lebih priority untuk concentrate other than seni. sebab macam saya cakap, saya bukannya ada bakat sangat jadi saya perlu banyak-banyak-banyak-banyak usaha untuk score A...

tapi ada satu yang saya tidak boleh lupa. ada one week kena suruh lukis apa benda ntah. saya pegi lukis spider. time post moterm kena hentam kaler tidak sekata. tapi.... ada one thing yang cegu komen. dia bilang lukisan saya : "Exotic".

hehe. kenangan manis. :)

trima kasih cegu, walaupun ko laser.

bila saya ingat balik ni saya rasa bersemangat. walaupun tiada kena mengena dengan kerja sekarang... tapi it is good to remember the feel. u know what feeling? the enthusiasm and passion of doing something u really like. and u dont even care how the outcome sebab yang penting adalah proses @ journey yang dilalui time buat itu benda... wahhh i cannot even put that in words? kamu paham ka ni.. paham2 la sendiri aahh....

wah. its good to reminisce.

at least i know i was once live. and alive. :)

Believe

If there's one thing to believe,

then I believe that WISH DO COME TRUE...

It's only a matter of time. :)

(and effort, of course)

Like the time I wish I know how to swim. Or that time I wish I have enough guts to drive. Or that time I wish to go to Mabul. Or that time I wish I met someone special.

Like I said, it's a matter of time. Some wishes are new, some are old. It's either sooner, or later.

So let's make wishes right now!

I WISH...

1. *****
2. *****
3. *****

there. I wish.

AMINN....

Goosebumps

Yesterday I went back home late around 2 am after watching midnight movie about some green creature. When I reached home, as usual I unlocked the front grill only to found out that somebody has locked the sliding door from inside. Having no way to get in, I called my brother’s fiancé who happens to stay for the night and sharing the room with me.

At second attempt call, she picked up. She sounds surprised when I asked her to open the door for me.

After a while she opened the alternate door for me.

“I thought you already sleep”

“Nah… Sorry to wake you but somebody locked the glass door. I couldn’t get in”

She went upstairs and I went straight to the laundry room and changed. After doing some toilet business, I was ready to go to bed.

Luckily, she left the light on when I get in my room. At least I would not have to wake her again. But as I’m getting my bed ready, she spoke:

“I really thought you already sleep”

“Nah, I went out. You remember? I’m in my jeans when you last saw me”

“Really? I thought I heard you climbed to your bed”

“It’s was just your imagination”

She paused.

“You even said “good night” “

Now it was my turn to paused.

“Nah… it was just a dream”

“But it was so real…. And I wasn’t asleep yet”

Paused again. Thinking.

“Then it was a very good dream” I replied.

Then there was silence. Luckily I am too tired to think. Switch off the lights, and went straight to sleep.

But before I fall into my dreams, I can’t help but questioned: If only she was not dreaming…

Then, who, exactly, climbed on my bed and wish her Good Night???




Shivers.

AKU ADA GIMBARAN KAHH??? OHHH TIDAAAAKKKKKKKK.